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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Trust Fall

I am a VERY stubborn person. And I absolutely hate change. So when I was baptized on December 15th and everything started to change, I tried to force things to go back to the way they were. And when it didn't work out (which it never really did) I would become very upset.

This week, though, a few things have happened that have made me realize I just have to accept the changes in my life. At first I was really bitter about it because I didn't want things to change. Change has always freaked me out. When I was little and my parents would change my schedule I would wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors (I think that's when you scream and thrash around in the middle of the night but you're still asleep... Something like that.), or if they changed anything (like tile or wallpaper) I would cry and I would steal little pieces and hide them in my room in a desperate attempt to keep things the same. To this day I don't sleep well when something changes.

I shot a text to the missionaries the other day trying to set up an appointment for my investigator. And got no response. Puzzled, I just put the phone away. Later I got a text from the ward mission leader about the appointment with a gentle reminder how I'm not supposed to text the missionaries anymore. I didn't realize that I wasn't allowed to text to set up appointments for my many investigators so I got a little frustrated. Then I stopped and thought about it, and decided it was time to accept the change. The ward mission leader than said something that stuck with me throughout my day. "I'm on your team."

For me, sitting back and watching things change is similar to a trust fall. You have to just let go and hope that someone catches you.

So I finally did let go. And I didn't go splat.

I have a couple people who have stood behind me the whole time. People who are on my "team."

It wasn't until today that I realized who really caught me -- the Lord.

I was reading my New Era today after I got home from school. What I read on the first few pages made my stomach drop. When I realized, I stopped and reread.

I've had a ton of questions recently. About the temple, what to do with my depressed investigator, promises I made at baptism, how to share the gospel, prayer, scripture study, why we receive endowments before missions, and so many more. I kid you not, everything is in here.

Heavenly Father was listening to my many prayers. He knows my questions. He wants to help me. He's given me all these answers to so many of my questions. And he's given me a wonderful "team" to go to when I'm having a rough time.

I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven. And I'm so grateful for His answers to my prayers.


I just love this gospel. <3

Monday, January 27, 2014

I challenge you. :)

I've been thinking this morning. Everyday after class my seminary teacher says "make today a great day!". Today we had a sub so no one actually said it, but I thought it.

So I'm going to honestly try to make today a great day, no matter what icky thing happens.

I challenge you to do the same. Make today a great day. Hug someone who needs a hug. Take the time to text a friend who you haven't heard from. If you're feeling prompted to do something good, do it. Tell someone you love that you love them. Share the gospel with a friend.

YOU have the power to change the world. It's up to you to figure out how you can do that today. :)

Make today a great Monday! :)

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Happy Sabbath!!!

What a wonderful day!

It started off horrible. It was one of those days that I didn't want to get out of bed because I was in a crappy mood and everything bugged me and made me want to cry.

It all started when I broke the ceiling.... Yes, you read that right. Water seeped through the floor while I was taking a shower and now you can see the pipes. Fun right??

So I left for church before my parents found out and I thought I was going to be in SO much trouble...

Before I left, though, I had shot a text to the missionaries asking a question, I got a sassy response back because they were trying to be funny but I took it the wrong way and it hurt my feelings and made me feel even worse.

Then during Sacrament I was sitting alone, like usual. But this week it was really bothering me. I sit closer to the back so I look out and see all these perfect little families and it makes me kind of sad, sometimes. But halfway through the opening song, a wonderful woman came and sat next to me. It was SO nice. I loved that. I was also given a couple books by someone in my ward. That was so cool.

2nd hour I actually went to my right class. I'm glad I did. It was a great lesson that I needed to hear. It was about comparing ourselves to others. I've had a bad habit of that, recently. I compare myself to other people in the church, usually. Things like "Oh! Savannah is SO pretty and talented, why can't I be like that?" or "Elder Christensen has such a powerful testimony, why can't mine touch someone like his touched me?" or "Bethany's so confident, why can't I be that confident?" Yeah, it's pretty bad. But Heavenly Father loves us all the same. I love that so much.

I've been struggling with all the changes that come with suddenly being a member after 3 years of being an investigator. One of those struggles is getting used to having home teachers. I'm so reluctant to go to them for help. I don't really know why. It's scary for me to build relationships, especially when I feel like I HAVE to. That's kind of how I felt with the home teachers. No matter who I talk to, whether its the mishs or the bishop or the laurels, my home teachers always come up. And it was really bothering me today. Anytime I asked a question the answer was always "go ask your home teachers." So I kind of snapped. I told the missionaries that it was bugging me that they kept saying that and I knew I was wrong, but I still said it. I don't really know what I'm doing, these days. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, for the most part. So Elder C was talking to me about how I needed to use the home teachers and all that stuff. I had tears in my eyes and everything when Savannah walked by and asked if I was coming to YW's I said no, and that I wanted to just go home. The Elders walked away and me and Savannah talked for a little bit. She's such a great example to me. I'm SO glad I know her. She always gives me the best advice and she makes me feel so much better. I can go to her for anything and I know that she won't judge me or make fun of me. She's one of the most genuine people you will ever meet. I take her friendship for granted.

Long story short, I went to YW's and heard another lesson I needed to hear. This one was about who we are and who we can become.

One thing that Madison asked us was "who do you want to become?" That was an easy question.


  • Missionary
  • An example
  • A light in someone's life
  • A mom
  • A wife
  • A ward missionary 
  • Strong

And so on. She also asked who we already were. That was harder because I've always been pretty hard on myself.


  • Dependable
  • Stubborn (in a good and bad way)
  • A pretty good artist

I need to work on making a list of things I see in myself. I think that'll be my new goal. :)

Anyway, Savannah was right. I needed that lesson.

Then I set up a date for my patriarchal blessing (February 16th) I'm thrilled. I really need that.

Then I met with my home teachers. And yes. Elder C was right, it wasn't so bad. Maybe I shouldn't be so against it.

And then we talked about Trek. Oh my gosh, I'm SO excited. Mostly for the fact that I will have a "family" for 3 days that I can read scriptures and pray with. That's my dream. Its small, but that's what I've always wanted.

Savannah, the Elders and I read the scriptures with my investigator a couple weeks ago. I loved that. I wonder if that's how it feels when families read together. I look forward to having that experience.

Savannah gave me a bunch of letters today. On them, it says things like "Open when you feel lonely" and "Open when you feel like you have too many questions" and so on. That meant a lot to me. I'm so excited to see what's in them. 


"I just want people to see Christ in me. 
I don't even care if they know my name, 
as long as they get to know my God."

This quote has been playing in my head since I wrote it in Elder C's little book. It means so much to me. It is SO true. I do want people to see the Christ in me. How great is it when someone says "Oh yeah, you look like a Mormon!" or someone comes up and says "There's something different about you."? I LOVE that. That's always super cool to me. I want to be that example to someone. I want to be a missionary and change someone's life. I want to be as confident as Bethany and as talented as Savannah and as powerful as Elder C. I'm going to continue to strive to get better and better so the people around me will learn who I stand for and not just see me when they look at me. But they see Him.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Goodbye Elder Saenger

Elder Saenger is getting transferred tomorrow.

I cried a little when I found out on Sunday, but for the most part I had been pretty strong about it.

Today was their pday, so I got to spend time with them, which made everything a little bit better.

At 11 I went to the church and watched them play basketball and hung out with Elder Saenger who didn't play because his clothes were all packed. We stayed until 1 then I met them at Braums for milkshakes. We sat and talked and joked around for an hour then they went back to their apartment to email their families and to finish packing.

I had my daddy make a photo rock with my baptism picture (slate) for Elder Saenger and I got him a tie and wrote a little note on the back of it (I say little but it was anything BUT little) and I wrote him a big long letter.

I met the missionaries outside of their apartment at 8:15 to give Elder Saenger his presents. I stayed pretty strong... Until he opened the slate. That's when I lost it. And every time I started to calm down, I would start to cry harder and harder. I was crying so hard I made Elder Christensen cry.

I could tell they were trying to cheer me up and make me laugh, but I could not stop crying. It's so hard to say goodbye to one of your missionaries. Especially when that missionary is one of your best friends. Saying goodbye was literally the hardest thing I have ever done.

I shook his hand one last time and said goodbye and they rode away on their bikes.

I have a special place in my heart for those missionaries. I love them so much.

Elder Saenger is such a fantastic missionary and friend. He's so caring and sweet and really funny. I have been so blessed getting to know him these last 12 weeks.

Thank you so much for everything, Elder Saenger. God be with you till we meet again.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

What I learned

Oh what a horrible day.

I started off by going to seminary. I had devotional and I chose to read my missionary poem.

(this one) 
The alarm bell rings at 6:30,
I stumble to my feet
I grab my companions bedding and pull off his sheets
A groan fills the room, is it already time to arise?
It seems like just a second ago
I was able to shut my eyes
The morning activities follow- study, prayer and such
When it’s time to leave the apartment, you feel you haven’t accomplished much
“We have a super day planned,”
My comp. says with a grin
I lowly utter a faithless breath,
“Yeah, if anyone lets us in.”
With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street prepared to
Face another day of humidity and heat
It’s 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through
My champion and I are riding home not accomplishing what we thought to do
We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate “air Box”
We go up to our apartment, the day is now complete
The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistery feet
It’s past 10:30 p.m. My companion is fast asleep,
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep
In the midst of sadness, I kneel down to pray
I need to talk to father, but I’m not sure what to say
“Oh, Father” I begin, “What happened to us today?
I thought we’d teach somebody, but everyone was away
My hands, my aching hands- worn, hurt and beat;
If our area was any smaller, we’d have knocked every street”
“Why on missions are the days so much alike?
The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike
Will you send some cooler weather? The heat is killing me
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes, it’s very hard to see”
“Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn’t your protection enough?
People always laugh at me, and call me stupid stuff
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack
I want to give them Books of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back”
“And what about my family: They don’t have much to say
I’m sick of not hearing from home day after day after day
Oh Father, Why am I here am I just wasting time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I’m sorry but that’s on my mind”
“My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?”
The way he rides his bicycle, I don’t think he can see
Now you have it, I can’t go on, I don’t know what to do
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for you”
My prayer now finished, I stand up, then jump right into bed
I need my rest for tomorrow, we have another long day ahead
Sleep start to overtake me, I seem to drift away
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time in another day
I’m standing alone on the hill. The view is very nice
A man walks to wards me and says, “My name is Jesus Christ”
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to His feet
“Arise,” He states, “Follow me to the shade. You and I need to speak”
My attention’s towards my Savior, total and complete
He says, “Your mission is similar of what happened to me
I understand how you feel, I know what you’re going through
In fact, it would be fair to say I’ve felt the same as you”
“I even know how you felt when no one listened to you
At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do
I know you don’t like to ride a bicycle, for you a car would be sweet
Just remember the donkey I rode wasn’t equipped with 21 speeds”
“I understand you don’t like sweating, in fact it’s something you hate
I remember when I sweat blood from ev’ry pore, oh the agony was great!
I see you don’t like your companion- you’d rather have someone else-
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth”
“It’s hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you
I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back”
“Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ached in a similar way
It’s hard not to hear from home when your family’s not there to see
I lost communication on the cross and cried, “Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?”
“We have a lot in common, but there’s a difference between us you see
I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me”
He embraced me with His arms and His light filled me with His love
With tears in my eyes I watched as He went back to the Father above
I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head
I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed
My companion let out a groan, “6:30 already, no way!”
I sat up and said, “Come on, I’ll even carry your scriptures today!”
No matter what we go through,
when we feel we can’t take more
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ,
He’s been there before

When I finished, I looked up and people were crying. What a beautiful poem that is... I should have realized that was foreshadowing what I would be learning today.

After getting back from my elementary school that I intern at, the high school was in lock down. That means that its too dangerous to let anyone in or out of the school and the students stay in the classroom and turn off the lights and pile into the nearest closet. Fun huh? Not when you're stuck in your car.

At first I thought it was a drill, then I saw a police car. Then another. And another. Soon there was a HELICOPTER in the sky, circling. I thought I was going to get shot and killed. Then I saw this kid, poor guy... Everytime a new cop saw him they would frisk him or question him. His mom had dropped him off at school and left, not realizing he was stuck outside. After watching him roam with a look of panic on his face, I invited him to sit in my car. He was so thankful. We sat and talked and joked about different things we saw. It was fun. I'm kind of upset I didn't send him off with a Book of Mormon, though. Dang it.

So my day went on. I survived the lock down and after a long boring math class and a super awkward English class, I went to my car and started to drive. And after 30 seconds I realized the scary noise was coming from my car. Fantastic. So I see a orange note on my windshield, and thought "oh great, someone hit me..." and pulled over. NOPE. Flat tire. The orange note said:

"I noticed you have a flat tire, call me if you need any help, I'll change it for you if you have a spare"

How nice! The only issue was... When they ripped the paper you couldn't see the number... Half of it was ripped off.

So I was stuck with a dying cell phone, a flat tire and 1 hour and 30 minutes to get the tire fixed, go home and change then go to work. That's when I lost it. I started bawling my eyes out. When I finally calmed down I texted around to see if anyone who might be at the campus had a charger. Savannah answered and drove all the way back to help. I swear, this sweetheart is a total gift from God. She does SO much for me. I ended up calling AAA and the tire got fixed and I rushed to work (after almost running out of gas- the gas light was on...)

When I got to work I sat out for 30 minutes because we were so slow.

Then I was last to get my break and I was starving.

Then when I came back, I knocked a whole bucket of tea on the floors we JUST cleaned.

And so many more things...

I got home all bitter and grumpy. With a heavy heart and tears in my eyes I said goodnight to my parents and went to my room. That's when I thought of the missionary poem's last stanza.

No matter what we go through, 
when we feel like we can't take more
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ
He's been there before.

I'm pretty sure Jesus never had a flat tire on His donkey. Or felt the disconnectedness of a cell phone dying when He most needed it. But He has felt some similar things, and He can relate to me.

As I went through my nightly routine I thought deep and hard about this. Feeling guilty for feeling so sorry for myself, I picked up my phone to check for texts.

I have a friend who for Personal Progress is sending out a spiritual text of the day. She's kinda fell behind so I never know when or if they're coming. This one was perfect, though.

"Isaiah 41:13 'For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.' We all go through hard times. This past year has been particularly difficult for me. However, this scripture provided me with so much comfort. We don't have to go through these things alone. Heavenly Father is there to comfort us ALWAYS. This reminds me of the footprints in the sand story. 'One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorry or defeat, I could only see one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?' The Lord replied, 'The times when you have seen only one set of footprints is when I carried you.'  I absolutely love this story. The Lord is always there for us, when we're scared, lost of feeling completely hopeless, he will ALWAYS be there for us."

How right she is. The Lord is always there for us. He understands us, He KNOWS us. We are so so so blessed. 

I love this gospel and I am so grateful for my Savior. 

Today was a good day.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Elder C and Elder Saenger

As transfers get closer and closer I get more and more grateful for the wonderful Elders serving in my ward. They always have my back and I always have theirs. It'll be weird having new missionaries in the ward,  these two have stood by me during some of the hardest trials in my life, but what if there are others that they need to go help?

Elder Christensen came up to me at a perfect time in my life. I'm going to admit it. I ignored and shot him down every single time he tried to come knock on my door. Sometimes I'd walk the other way when I saw him coming. I had been struggling to stay active at church, I hated coming, I felt really alone. But being the stubborn person he is he kept pushing and pushing. He gave me a quote with a little note on the back. That meant so much to me, someone DID care. I kept coming to church and my seminary attendance went back up.

Elder Saegner stood by me when I was getting yelled at by different people in my ward. And he gave me advice when I didn't want to go to my classes. There was one time that I didn't want to go to 3rd hour at all. I was really upset and was having a HORRIBLE day. Elder Saenger encouraged me to go, and opened the door for me. That 3rd hour lesson was one of the best lessons I have ever heard. It was exactly what I needed. After church I went and found him and the first question he asked was "How was 3rd hour?".

Over the Winter Break I was with them teaching my friends or having a lesson for myself pretty much every day. So when school came back, I was still in missionary mode.... I saw this guy I hadn't seen in a while and I went to talk to him and.... I. Stuck. Out. My. Hand. I accidentally tried to shake his hand. It was SO awkward. Oh my goodness. It was really funny though, and the Elders seemed to get a kick out of it. :)

I really look up to these guys. Sure, it will be really sad when they go, but I'm not saying goodbye forever. With the kind of impact they have had on me and the kind of friendship I have with them, we should continue to keep in touch every now and then. They aren't allowed to forget about me. :)

I have little surprises planned for each of them. Elder Saenger's isn't quite ready so I'm praying we don't lose him yet. I'm still working on Elder C's, too, but I'll be able to finish by transfers.


Look at this sweet poem I found about missionary work. It made me cry.

The alarm bell rings at 6:30,
I stumble to my feet
I grab my companions bedding and pull off his sheets
A groan fills the room, is it already time to arise?
It seems like just a second ago
I was able to shut my eyes
The morning activities follow- study, prayer and such
When it’s time to leave the apartment, you feel you haven’t accomplished much
“We have a super day planned,”
My comp. says with a grin
I lowly utter a faithless breath,
“Yeah, if anyone lets us in.”
With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street prepared to
Face another day of humidity and heat
It’s 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through
My champion and I are riding home not accomplishing what we thought to do
We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate “air Box”
We go up to our apartment, the day is now complete
The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistery feet
It’s past 10:30 p.m. My companion is fast asleep,
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep
In the midst of sadness, I kneel down to pray
I need to talk to father, but I’m not sure what to say
“Oh, Father” I begin, “What happened to us today?
I thought we’d teach somebody, but everyone was away
My hands, my aching hands- worn, hurt and beat;
If our area was any smaller, we’d have knocked every street”
“Why on missions are the days so much alike?
The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike
Will you send some cooler weather? The heat is killing me
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes, it’s very hard to see”
“Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn’t your protection enough?
People always laugh at me, and call me stupid stuff
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack
I want to give them Books of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back”
“And what about my family: They don’t have much to say
I’m sick of not hearing from home day after day after day
Oh Father, Why am I here am I just wasting time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I’m sorry but that’s on my mind”
“My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?”
The way he rides his bicycle, I don’t think he can see
Now you have it, I can’t go on, I don’t know what to do
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for you”
My prayer now finished, I stand up, then jump right into bed
I need my rest for tomorrow, we have another long day ahead
Sleep start to overtake me, I seem to drift away
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time in another day
I’m standing alone on the hill. The view is very nice
A man walks to wards me and says, “My name is Jesus Christ”
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to His feet
“Arise,” He states, “Follow me to the shade. You and I need to speak”
My attention’s towards my Savior, total and complete
He says, “Your mission is similar of what happened to me
I understand how you feel, I know what you’re going through
In fact, it would be fair to say I’ve felt the same as you”
“I even know how you felt when no one listened to you
At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do
I know you don’t like to ride a bicycle, for you a car would be sweet
Just remember the donkey I rode wasn’t equipped with 21 speeds”
“I understand you don’t like sweating, in fact it’s something you hate
I remember when I sweat blood from ev’ry pore, oh the agony was great!
I see you don’t like your companion- you’d rather have someone else-
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth”
“It’s hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you
I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back”
“Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ached in a similar way
It’s hard not to hear from home when your family’s not there to see
I lost communication on the cross and cried, “Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?”
“We have a lot in common, but there’s a difference between us you see
I endured to the end and finished my mission, so follow and do like me”
He embraced me with His arms and His light filled me with His love
With tears in my eyes I watched as He went back to the Father above
I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head
I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed
My companion let out a groan, “6:30 already, no way!”
I sat up and said, “Come on, I’ll even carry your scriptures today!”
No matter what we go through,
when we feel we can’t take more
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ,
He’s been there before

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I was diagnosed with the flu (type a) on Friday and have been stuck in my room for 3 days. I'm going to the doctor again later tonight because it seems like its getting worse. Who knows.

Have a wonderful week!

Happy Monday!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Finally Friday!!!

Oh my gosh what a LONG week.

Monday- I dropped cookies off at some friend's houses

Tuesday- I met with Alyssa and Elder Saenger and Elder Pruitt (It was strange not having Elder C, but it was still amazing.)

Wednesday- I had my new member discussion and Savannah came. :) I learned SO much about prayer, things I never knew. Then we drove to mutual and just happened to see my little missionaries again.... Elder C had broken his bike. So we rescued them! :) His bike is fixed, now, though.

Thursday- Work work work.

Friday (Today)- I'm. So. Sick. Oh my gosh. I feel awful. Ugh! I still went to school though, I can't afford to miss classes. One missed class and you have a month of makeup work! I also met with Zane and the Elders today, though. They were SO PUMPED UP. It was AMAZING. They were so excited they almost forgot the prayer. This is what happened:

We talked and joked around then they started tying in to the lesson.

Elder C- *Jumps out of his chair and grabs the chalk and starts drawing the 4 of us*

Elder S- In this life we will all-

Casey- *whispering* hey guys!!!!

Elder C gives me the "what now" look :)

Casey- *folds arms*

Elder C- Uh, Elder, I think Casey thinks we should pray. *Starts laughing* I think shes right.

It was so cool seeing them this excited again. :) They have both been really great missionaries and its so cool to watch them grow.

The Elders drew us a picture (I think thats what they were most excited about, honestly.) Elder C drew the four of us and then turned around and I jokingly asked if I was the shortest one because everyone makes fun of my height. He "glared" at me and turned and erased me. Which made us all laugh and then he drew me again -- shorter but he gave me hair that time. :) These guys are so fun. What great teachers.

After we finished the lesson, I started driving Zane home. I suddenly felt a stabbing pain in my head -- the same feeling I had when I had a really high fever earlier today (which had broke a few hours earlier). 

Me- Hey Zane?

Zane- Yeah?

Me- Can you text the missionaries and ask them if I could come back and get a priesthood blessing?

Zane- Uh... Yeah.

My phone was dead so we used his.

When I dropped him off, though, I had no way of contacting the missionaries, I asked Zane to tell them I was headed back to the church to figure things out.

So I pulled up at the church and didn't see their two little bikes in the normal spot. I got a little discouraged. Then I looked up and there they were riding in circles around each other in the parking lot. Those guys crack me up.

So after Elder C scolded me for my phone "always being dead" (It is) we started calling people to give me the blessing.And of course no one answered.

So after a ton of debating between the 3 of us (well, mostly them, at this point I feel like a zombie) we decided to meet at the Thunell's and if they weren't home I was supposed to go to the Fishers. And they would be right behind me.

So I drove to the Thunell's and before I could knock, a little Mckay opened the door. I love that kid.

Mckay- Hi!

Me- Hey Mckay, is your dad home?

Mckay- Yeah, he's on the phone, though. I'll go get him.

He's so cute. I want a Mckay. (Sister Thunell, if you're reading this--beware! I might steal him!)

So Brother Thunell came out and I explained what was going on and then Savannah yelled down.

"Whats going on?"

She came downstairs and teased me about barging into her house. :)

So I talked with her while we waited for the mishs. (I was supposed to text them but I forgot, oops.)

Then, Savannah got an evil idea. >:) She suggested we hide my car and pretend like I never showed up. So we did and once we parked around back I heard Elder C's voice.

"Mckay! Is Casey here?" He sounded a tad concerned for a second. But they knocked on the door anyway and I overheard Savannah say "Shes not here" and they said "Okay bye". Then she invited them in.

So I got my blessing and then Brother Thunell gave me this orange medicine that dissolves on your tongue. And we left. 

My head doesn't hurt as bad and I'm not dizzy anymore. That was the worst part about this whole thing. But, I'm still sick. Heavenly Father puts us here to learn, though. If He took away all our pain we would learn nothing. I'm SO grateful that through the blessing He lessened some of the pain. 

I love the priesthood. I'm so grateful for all of the blessings I have recieved. I love the worthy priesthood holders in my ward like Brother Thunell, Brother Clark, Elder Christensen, Elder Saenger, Bishop, and so many more. I look to them as examples. I love them all so much!

Hopefully I will be better tomorrow! :)

Saturday, January 4, 2014

The Temple

I would have posted yesterday but I had too much to ponder and pray about!!

I finally got to go inside the temple yesterday. It was one of the best days of my life. The youth all together did like 700 names. Isn't that CRAZY?! 

What I thought was really cool was that those people had to wait to get baptized, just like I did. Except they had to wait much longer. They understand how I feel. 

It was a little strange to me, because I kept hearing my name. Everyone was whispering, but I kept hearing "Casey" everywhere. Like "That's Casey" and "This is Casey" and "This is Casey's first time". It was really cool, but I'm not really sure why all the leaders told all the temple people that I was me. I wonder if that made any difference in something. Even when I got my clothes one of the leaders said "This is Casey" and the lady looked at me and said "Oh! Okay!". I'm not really sure what that was all about but that's okay. 

I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say, because of the sacredness of the temple, but there is one thing I would like to reflect on.

When I was getting baptized for all those patient people, I felt so wonderful. Some of the ladies were from the 1700's! What a long time to wait! When I finished, Brother Quenzer asked if I had any family names and I said no, which earned a strange look. Then he said "Well, you're the only Casey we've got, want to do more baptisms?" of course I said yes. That's when one of the temple workers walked over and said "Is this your first time?" and I nodded and he said "One of your leaders thought you would like to do more names." How thoughtful! I'm so grateful I was able to do that. 

Brother White was the one who performed the ordinance. Which was cool for me because I really look up to Brother White. I don't think he knows that, but I really do. 

The feeling in the temple is perfect. No pain, no worry, no sadness. My friend explained to me today that it is the closest place to Heaven on earth. I loved that.

When everyone else was doing their baptisms, I decided that I needed to pray, so I did. I think I prayed for a really long time because when I looked up, Bishop was staring at me, waiting for me to finish before he sat down next to me. He explained some of the things I didn't really understand and we talked about different things in the temple.

I love the temple so very much. I can't wait until I get to be sealed to my eternal companion there. I wonder who it will be. Maybe my patriarchal blessing will give me a hint, who knows! :)



Else what shell they do which are baptized for the dead, if the
 dead rise not at all? Why are they then baptized for the dead? 

1 Corinthians 15:29


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Sunshine

I want to start this post out by thanking the Thunell family for everything they do for me. They always support me and they're my family at church. And even though these past few weeks have been really hard on me and I've been pushing every one away, they're still there and they love me.

I'm really thankful for Savannah, especially. She's a little angel that Heavenly Father sent to guide me and be my sunshine on rainy days. I was having a really tough time last night and she dropped everything and came to help me. We drove around for 2 hours and talked until I felt better. I'm so blessed to have people in my life like her.

There is peace in my life again. Another part of the roller coaster I'm on, but I think its starting to even out. I've been thinking of this whole experience like a flood gate.  3 years of coming to church and lining everything up so I could do everything when I was finally baptized. Now I'm a member and everything is happening SO fast. Its a wonderful thing, but it can get a little stressful and lonely if my mind isn't in the right place.

On the topic of loneliness, I finally realized that I am never alone. I have the Holy Ghost. And I didn't really appreciate Him as much as I should have until He was gone. I had a little hiccup on Sunday and the Spirit left. Last night everything got taken care of, and I can feel the Spirit again. It was a terrible feeling and I hope I never do that to myself again.


Now onto what happened today!

I got to spend some time with one of my good friends, Brittany. She even met with the missionaries! It was a really different kind of discussion. We talked for TWO HOURS!!!! And we were all really comfortable, usually the friends I bring are really uncomfortable at first, but she literally walked up and said "Hi, I'm Casey's Jew!" with a big smile on her face. Then she started cracking jokes about the missionaries bikes, which made the Elders feel more comfortable and the lesson more fun because they would throw little jokes in here and there. Brittany asked questions and I even asked some! (I'm not usually one to ask questions in discussions) Elder Christensen joked about how when we're baptized we get a brand new bike. It was the funniest thing I had ever heard. I guess I'm still waiting on mine... ;) I really hope she wants to meet with us again.

She was my 3rd friend to have had the first discussion. Its interesting to see how they both know how to make it different for each person. I love that. Its personal, just like this gospel is. I've learned so much by hearing the first discussion so many times. My testimony of Joesph Smith wasn't so strong, and I didn't really know his story. Its getting stronger though, my goal is to continue to work at it and keep learning!

The missionaries serving in the 1st ward right now are amazing. I am SO grateful for them and their example to me and my friends. I love how they will sit and listen to my friends and see what they believe. They never say "oh well, you're wrong" they testify to what our beliefs are. I am so incredibly grateful for those two guys and everything they do.

I have a testimony of the power of missionary work. I admire and look up to all of those that serve a full time missionary AND those that serve a member mission. Savannah inspires me, wherever she goes, she will be the best missionary they will have ever had. That girl's on fire. She always knows exactly what to say and her testimony shines in her beautiful face. Her testimony is SO strong. I love to hear it, and I look forward to when she teaches a lesson in YW's because I get to hear it.

Fast Sunday is coming up. Who will go up to that stand? I know I will.

I encourage you to all think about the Atonement the rest of this week. What does it mean to you?