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Monday, March 4, 2013

Wondering and Pondering

Yesterday in church one of the people who got up to bear their testimony said something that struck me. He said to "never abandon your converts."
Me and my missionary, Ben, haven't spoken for three months now. And I did feel abandoned. Honestly, I still do at times.

At the beginning of my seminary year, my teacher told me she believed I was converted to Ben and not the gospel. I was devastated. I ran to the girls bathroom and cried my eyes out. I had experienced a fight with Ben right before that happened, so when Ben walked in and heard the end of the conversation, he said nothing. Right then I felt completely alone.

But with this experience I have learned that I am not converted to Ben. I have realized that this testimony is mine and, although he sparked my interest, I have grown it into a giant bonfire because I wanted to.

Which leads me to wonder this:

Does Ben really understand what he's given to me and how thankful I am? Sometimes I see him in church and I want to go personally thank him for everything he's done, but there's a barrier between the two of us.

I also wonder of Ben ever thinks about everything we went through when I was a brand new investigator.

What if he reads these too?

He answered my questions that I wrote in this notebook, he looked after me constantly because of my medical issue, he never got frustrated when I asked something about church, he lets me use his LDS.org account for various things (which he still does, he specifically told me I could still use it) and many more things.

Ben was a great friend while it lasted, and I hope with all my heart that he stays on the right track and has a wonderful life, even if I'm not by his side. He was a huge blessing in my life, and he opened doors for me.

Even though its ended, I'm grateful I was given him as a friend. He had a huge heart and I hope he continues to have it when he's on his mission. Love is the most important thing.

Check out the Mormon Ad for youth called Dare To Stand Alone. It's a fantastic one.



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