I am a VERY stubborn person. And I absolutely hate change. So when I was baptized on December 15th and everything started to change, I tried to force things to go back to the way they were. And when it didn't work out (which it never really did) I would become very upset.
This week, though, a few things have happened that have made me realize I just have to accept the changes in my life. At first I was really bitter about it because I didn't want things to change. Change has always freaked me out. When I was little and my parents would change my schedule I would wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors (I think that's when you scream and thrash around in the middle of the night but you're still asleep... Something like that.), or if they changed anything (like tile or wallpaper) I would cry and I would steal little pieces and hide them in my room in a desperate attempt to keep things the same. To this day I don't sleep well when something changes.
I shot a text to the missionaries the other day trying to set up an appointment for my investigator. And got no response. Puzzled, I just put the phone away. Later I got a text from the ward mission leader about the appointment with a gentle reminder how I'm not supposed to text the missionaries anymore. I didn't realize that I wasn't allowed to text to set up appointments for my many investigators so I got a little frustrated. Then I stopped and thought about it, and decided it was time to accept the change. The ward mission leader than said something that stuck with me throughout my day. "I'm on your team."
For me, sitting back and watching things change is similar to a trust fall. You have to just let go and hope that someone catches you.
So I finally did let go. And I didn't go splat.
I have a couple people who have stood behind me the whole time. People who are on my "team."
It wasn't until today that I realized who really caught me -- the Lord.
I was reading my New Era today after I got home from school. What I read on the first few pages made my stomach drop. When I realized, I stopped and reread.
I've had a ton of questions recently. About the temple, what to do with my depressed investigator, promises I made at baptism, how to share the gospel, prayer, scripture study, why we receive endowments before missions, and so many more. I kid you not, everything is in here.
Heavenly Father was listening to my many prayers. He knows my questions. He wants to help me. He's given me all these answers to so many of my questions. And he's given me a wonderful "team" to go to when I'm having a rough time.
I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven. And I'm so grateful for His answers to my prayers.
I just love this gospel. <3